<![CDATA[Mirror Coaching - MIrror Blog: Reflections]]>Thu, 24 May 2012 18:41:12 -0800Weebly<![CDATA[Workshop Success (gremlins and all ... I can handle that)]]>Thu, 10 May 2012 13:04:11 -0800http://www.mirrorcoaching.co.uk/1/post/2012/05/workshop-success-gremlins-notwithstanding.htmlWell, that was a full-on day! Yesterday, I had a great time presenting my one-day workshop on Getting Started in Independent Practice for Therapists to 23 members of the BABCP Independent Practitioners Special Interest Group (IPSIG). All-in-all, and despite the efforts of my taxi driver, a misunderstanding about start times, technical glitches and packing just a little too much into the day, I reckon it was a success.

The day started out reasonably smoothly, with a couple of miles run around the rain-spashed streets of 'that there London' to get the blood pumping and wake me up for the day ahead, having travelled down the night before. After showering and breakfasting, I headed out to make my way to the venue with what I thought was plenty of time in hand. As I was carrying handouts, laptop etc., I grabbed a black cab for the mile or so trip to the venue, Faraday House at the University of Syracuse, London. 

Now ... legend has it that London cabbies know where EVERYWHERE in London is; before they are allowed to become black cabbies, they are required to learn 'the Knowledge', this mythical laser-accurate knowhow that will always enable them to find the shortest route between any two points in the capital. Sadly, my belief in this wondrous talent was shaken yesterday, as my cabbie racked his brain to try to work out just where this "Faraday 'Owse" might be. When I mentioned U of Syracuse as a (I thought) helpful hint, the blank look I got in return was a little disconcerting. I suggested a general area and direction, as I had a rough idea of where it might be, and off we set, to the running commentary of Faraday 'Owse' Faraday 'Owwwse; I know where that is. I can see it, I just can't place it!" When he pulled up alongside another cab to see if he knew where it was, only to get the answer "no idea, mate", things were looking grim. My Google Maps app came to the rescue, but only after he had tossed me his copy of THE KNOWLEDGE - it really exists, but it didn't even have the U of Syracuse listed! With a dawning recognition of landmarks, he did manage to get me close, but time had passed ...

I still thought I had arrived in plenty of time, but walking in to Faraday House at 9.20, I discovered the event started not at 10, but at 9.30. Okay ... I can handle that. With the technician, I quickly got the laptop set up and started my Keynote presentation, only to find the projector enlarged everything, so it didn't quite fit the screen. Not a problem ... I can handle that. Gulping a quick coffee, I found myself launching into the day ... introducing myself, because I hadn't had time to brief Jim, who was meant to (sorry, Jim).

The audience was a mixed group of professional therapists, all with a CBT-leaning, nearly all in the first throes of thinking about working privately. Jim & Adam from the IPSIG, both with full-time practices, helped facilitate and contributed really usefully to discussions with their own experiences, but mostly I was faced with questioning, eager folk, tempted by the thought of working for themselves, but daunted by what might lie ahead if and when they dip their toe in the private therapy waters, wondering what they need to do to make this a reality and, hopefully, a success.

So I told them! The day comprised of a lot of talking at the group, because there is so much to get across, but there was also plenty of time for questions and some small paired discussion groups, where they were asked to expand on their visions for their business, their ideal clients and to set goals for what they would work to achieve in the weeks following the workshop.

One of the more interesting parts of the day was when I gave everyone a blank postcard and invited them, without sharing with their neighbours, to write down their intended hourly rate for their services, and then to pass this back to me face-down. A quick review of these showed a fairly significant range of difference, with the highest proposed rate being 4 times the lowest, with the average just below half of the highest! Interesting. I then used a spreadsheet to show how, once you set a figure as a target income for your practice, it is important to take account of all your outgoings across the year, break the working year down to actual days available for work, and use all this information (and more) to calculate a realistic hourly rate for your services to be able to achieve this ...and  when the worked example came out at a figure 100% higher than the average the group had suggested, it caused quite a stir.

Now, it is important to bear other factors, such as market forces and target market, in mind too, but I think this exercise helped bring home the fact that to build a practice that will make money (that is the point, after all), you have to be realistic in your pricing strategies, or you are not going to last very long. 

The second half of the day had to go ahead without the projector, as after lunch, it decided to only project a small fragment of the desktop screen, so the Keynote slides were impossible to see ... not a problem, I can handle that. Everyone had the print-off of the slides, so I was able to work through these and lead the discussions around things like practice development, marketing and staying safe in your practice. All of this generated plenty of discussion and in the end, I ran out of time, so was unable to cover all I had wanted to ... but, as everyone got copy of my ebook on Setting Up in Private Practice as part of the day, hopefully they now have this extra information at their fingertips.

I ended the session, in the run up to 5 pm, by getting everyone to take some time with their workshop-buddy to plan their next steps and set goals (and make commitments to report back on these to their buddy). This also seemed to motivate and excite the group, as there was an energy in the room at the end of a long day that was great to see. 

As I made my way home to Chester on the train yesterday evening, I have to confess that I was well and truly knackered, but, given the response of the group and the enthusiasm to take things forward, I'd have to say: knackered? ... not a problem, I can handle that.

Afterword: On the train back last night, I had emailed everyone the ebook and spreadsheet, reminded them of my free newsletter, and invited them to stay in touch. When I logged into my email this morning, I was delighted to get a response from one for the group saying:  "The day was very helpful - lots of interesting ideas and advice ... perhaps most helpful was to have a day in which I could crystallise my thoughts and consider how to move forward. I have already made a start on a few things since yesterday!" 

I think that counts as a result.]]><![CDATA[Is the reality of private practice getting in the way of you achieving your ideal practice?]]>Tue, 24 Apr 2012 03:10:13 -0800http://www.mirrorcoaching.co.uk/1/post/2012/04/is-the-reality-of-private-practice-getting-in-the-way-of-you-achieving-your-ideal-practice.htmlI had the pleasure of attending a networking meeting with some other therapists last week. I don't always enjoy networking meetings, particularly generic business meetings, but with fellow talking professionals, there can sometimes be a buzz in the air that makes the effort of going along worthwhile. And that was certainly the case with this one.

The meeting, of the Liverpool Independent Practitioners (LIPs) group, was at the offices of Dr Fiona Randall, one of the people behind the group, on Rodney Street, the heart of private practice in that great city. There were about 10 of us there, all part of the therapy industry ... clinical psychologists, occupational therapists, social workers and art/creative therapists ... so the mix was varied, as was the range of experience of the participants. As people took a few moments to introduce themselves to the group, I was struck by two things that several of the speakers conveyed ... (1) the sense that private practice is really hard - getting their practices off the ground; finding clients regularly; keeping the wolf from the door; and the need, for several of them present that day, to rely on the fall-back support of a contracted post within another service, such as the NHS, to help make ends meet; and, more interestingly for me at least (2) the energy that filled each speaker as they spoke about what it was they really wanted to do within their private practices. 

Now, we all know that private practice IS hard ... when you step into this world, you are taking total responsibility for your work and income; YOU have to be the one to take responsibility for finding the clients to allow your business to continue to run, next week and next year; YOU have to pay the bills and YOU have to make the connections that will allow you to be successful in your practice. You are not just turning up and "doing therapy' with the conveyor belt of clients placed in front of you by your employing organisation. No, you have to do the therapy, chase the unpaid invoices, even answer the phones, write the letters, make the appointments, plan ahead ... do you know what ... it can actually feel like a FULL-TIME job being self-employed - even if you are doing it on a part-time basis!

So why would anyone want to do all of that? Why put yourself under all of the stress that goes with that all-encompassing role? Usually, it is because you want more than what a job offers. You want more freedom to choose your hours, to earn what you are worth ... to work with the clients YOU want to work with (not just those that your employer says you should) because this is the work that excites, stimulates and rewards you.

But what I heard a number of times at that meeting was a mis-match between what people were finding themselves doing in their private practices and what they actually wanted to be doing in their private practices. Certainly, personal circumstances came into it, and this is understandable, as life pressures need to be managed too. But I was struck by how, as they spoke about what they loved doing, the clients they felt they could really make a difference with because of their specialist skills and training, the work that fired them up, the energy that they were filled with was exciting to me just sitting there listening to them. But some of that energy seemed to drain away when they spoke of the daily challenges of private practice. The priority for everyone was understandably to make enough to be able to live on - that is the bottom line after all. But it seemed that that imperative had had the effect of causing some speakers to lose sight of their reason for taking this path in the first place, or maybe feel it was too great a step to take just now. 

Now, we all know what that is like and I am certainly not suggesting that any of the speakers at the meeting have given up on their ideal practice dreams; I've been where they are now also, I know the bottom line is important in business and if we are not hitting that, well, we won't last long in business. But I know too that if we get so caught up in focusing our energies just on that alone, we are at risk of losing sight of our original dreams, the reason we made the break from a job to being our own bosses: to be able to build the practice that we want to work in.

Each speaker at that meeting knew what their ideal service looked like; their dreams for this came across in their descriptions of what they wanted to do, but some just couldn't seem to see how they were going to achieve this because of all these other pressures on them. But there are things that they, and all of us, can do ...

For me, the first step towards getting beyond the bottom-line is to be found in planning and goal-setting for your business. Not in a wistful "wouldn't it be nice if ..." kind of way, but by making space to step back, even a little, from the pressures of the bottom-line activities, to free up time to structure your vision for your business in such a way that you can lay out a plan of action that will, in time, move you towards your ultimate dream practice. 

Try this: Identify an interim end-point (e.g. in 6 months, I will be spending a day a week working with my ideal client group), then lay out the steps that you will need to take to move you closer to achieving this goal (e.g. I will identify referrers who work with this group and begin developing a relationship with them so they recognise me as a potential referral option - offering talks, information guides, etc., to give me name-recognition within their circles; I will make connections with fellow professionals who might be able to cross-refer; I will promote this specialist service through my website and elsewhere). Set realistic but challenging dates by which you will have achieved these interim goals (e.g. I will have written an Information Guide to my therapeutic approach for referrers within the next 2 weeks), and keep sight of what it is you are working to achieve. 

Make yourself accountable for this activity - put reminders in your diary and maybe tell someone what it is you are going to be doing by that date, giving them permission to ask to see your efforts. You could, perhaps, work with a coach directly (*waves*) to help keep focused on what you are looking to achieve, but whether you choose to do so or not, what is important is that you take time to formalise your action plan and know that you are committed to working through it; once you make that commitment, your dream practice has just become a little more real. 


At that meeting in Liverpool, I heard lots of dreams being described. I know, from speaking with several of those present (about getting clarity about what they aspire to and goal-setting to move things on), that their understanding of what they need to do to achieve this shifted just a little bit more towards their making these dreams a reality for them. It was exciting being a part of that. 

So, what changes can you commit to today to do the same? Why not tell me about these in the comments box below? 
Go on, be accountable :D
]]><![CDATA[Be the STAR of your own "Future Movie" ...]]>Thu, 18 Nov 2010 13:42:06 -0800http://www.mirrorcoaching.co.uk/1/post/2010/11/be-the-star-of-your-own-future-movie.html Creating a strong vision for what it is we aspire to when we set goals for the future is an important part of goal-setting. A favourite approach of mine is the “Future Movie”, an idea I learned many moons ago within my therapy practice when I attended a workshop with Dr Ricky Greenwald, a child trauma expert and EMDR practitioner from New York. It was presented as a therapeutic technique and I used it often when I worked with children and families with problems. Although I’ve altered it a little over time to suit my coaching clientele, the basic elements remain, and I want to share the technique with you here.

Let your imagination flow and "project" the image that comes to you in response to the suggestion below onto the wall in front of you.  Here's your starting point: Ten years from today, I arrive home after a long day, just wanting to sit and unwind for a bit, so I grab something to eat and settle down to watch a movie. I turn to the TV listings and see that “The (Your Name) Story” is just about to start. I think to myself, “Hey, I knew them 10 years ago … I wonder how their story has developed since then?” The movie starts and I become totally absorbed in this movie, feeling all the ups and downs and cheering the hero (YOU!) on as you soar to achieve all that you aspire to. As the credits roll, I think to myself “Wow, they really did it … they told me all those years ago that this is what they wanted, and now there it is … what an inspiring movie!”

Now ... describe what you are seeing on the “screen” as the credits are rolling on this movie, that final image, in as much detail as you can. Write it down, tapping into the brightness and colour, what you feel inside, and who else is there with you, describing in detail what this scene means to you as it relates to your success, what your thoughts are as you experience this positive outcome, and, most especially, what you are saying to yourself at that point in time.
Your need to emotionally connect with this vision and flesh out what it is that your aspirations and goal-setting can ultimately achieve. When you are able to do this, it is much easier for you to identify the interim goals that you need to set and work towards that will take you closer to your ultimate vision of your future. Without this clear vision, I find that some people do struggle to identify those critical steps that they need to take within their goal-setting practice to move forward with purpose and energy.

A goal without a thought-through end-result is little more than a vague “wouldn’t it be nice if …” wish-list, so this technique helps you focus and be clear about what your goals are and why they are important to you. This is an example of the power of story-telling in coaching; only this time, you put yourself smack bang in the starring role! ]]><![CDATA[Could a Simple Physical Shift Help Boost Your Self-Confidence?]]>Thu, 26 Aug 2010 00:49:33 -0800http://www.mirrorcoaching.co.uk/1/post/2010/08/could-a-simple-physical-shift-help-boost-your-self-confidence.htmlWhen you think about confidence, what does it mean to you? It is an attitude, a belief, a sense of assuredness that permeates your being and allows you to feel that you can achieve anything. A confident you can nail that presentation, make that sale, ask for that raise. But an un-confident you... now, that is a very different story, is it not? Self-doubt, uncertainty, anxiety; an inability to function that often makes little sense to you because you know you have the ability, but the self-belief is just not there when you need it.

There are many things that we can learn to try to address our lack of confidence. Psychologists, psychotherapists and coaches can help with psycho-educational training that looks at assertiveness, stress management courses, social skills training, etc. All of these can make a positive difference to how you perceive a situation and your response to it, but I would like to introduce another, simple idea, one that approaches the problem at a physical level. I would like you to consider your body shape as it reflects your inner state -- and then recognise how you can start to overcome problems with confidence by actively, physically, making the changes I will introduce to you in this article.

Lack of confidence has a "shape"
When we are NOT confident, we all know that it shows. The people around us can tell. For example, the un-confident me will tend to close in on myself: my shoulders droop; my head drops; my eye contact becomes poor. I might rub my hands, or chew my lip, or yawn even though I am not tired. All of this occurs unconsciously in response to some perceived threatening situation. This is not necessarily threatening in the sense that my physical well-being is at risk, but threatening to my self-esteem and my sense of competence as a person.

So, we can begin to address this by looking at how adjusting the frame of the body can lead us to positive change in how we feel in certain situations, and we can learn to use body posture as a priming cue for confidence. Body posture creates the scaffolding upon which we can hang positive imagery to help shift our perceptions of ourselves -- if we can learn to project our confident shape onto our body framework, we can use this to start altering our response to challenges to our confidence. By paying attention to and altering our body posture in line with our desired functioning, and building onto this scaffold, we can cue associated desired, confident responses.

But where do we find "our confident shape"?
The first place to look is in our own experience. Think back to a time when you did feel confident. Spend a minute or two recalling that experience; what it felt like and, importantly, how you held yourself at the time. Notice how your shoulders were set strongly, your head up. Feels good, right? This is the core of the confident image that I want you to project onto the body scaffold I described above.

If your life experience has not been of confidence previously, then take some time to think about someone that you admire whom you consider to be supremely and positively confident. They can be a real person or someone from fiction; it does not matter. But notice what it is about their physical presentation that causes you to perceive them as confident. Notice how they hold themselves, the way they meet the gaze of the person they are speaking to, or their voice tone when they speak. Imagine this confident posture projected onto your own frame and pay attention to where in your body you first notice the spark of that feeling as it takes hold.

Breathe in deeply and focus on that part of your body where you feel that confidence once again. With each deep breathe in, allow yourself to experience that confidence growing. Physically allow your body to mirror the posture of that confident you of old or that admired role model. Feel the shape of confidence as it takes hold of your frame and inhabit it.

Now realise what you have just achieved
With a few simple deep breaths and the application of a memory from another time or an impression of another's poise to your current body posture, you have boosted your own confidence. It may only be by a matter of degrees this first time, but imagine how, by practicing this technique regularly, you can enhance this experience and learn to apply it readily at those times in your day-to-day life where previously you have felt your confidence escape you.

Learn to do this and you will soon see how your confidence can take on this new and exciting positive shape.
]]><![CDATA[Three Ways to Put off Putting Things Off]]>Wed, 21 Jul 2010 05:09:40 -0800http://www.mirrorcoaching.co.uk/1/post/2010/07/three-ways-to-put-off-putting-things-off.html Do you find yourself putting things off all the time? You know what it’s like: you have something you need to do; prepare that presentation for work; make an important phone call or even just tidy your living room. But you just can’t seem to get round to it. The more you put it off, the more this task seems to become a bigger and bigger deal. Which creates a discomfort and stress for you that you know is unnecessary and (even worse) avoidable! But still we struggle to face the task that awaits us. Why?

The problem can be rooted in lots of reasons. Maybe we are unsure about how things will turn out if we complete the task in hand. Maybe we have given ourselves too many things to try to do within too short a time span. I’m sure you can come up with other reasons. But whatever they might be, if the bottom line is that the job still needs to get done, then the decision to get on with it can only be yours. So, to help you get past “putting it off again”, consider these strategies for beating procrastination.

1 Take charge of your distracters. We all have them; those activities that draw us away from the task in hand. You know yours, but maybe you’ve not labelled them for what they are. Do you find yourself logging onto Facebook when you sit at your computer to start writing that essay?  Does that reality TV show draw you away (for just a few more minutes) from your household chores (again)? Is it easier to wander away from your desk to pass a few moments chatting with a colleague rather than make that call?

Take a little time to identify your personal distracters. Once you know where the time drainers are in your day, you can prepare yourself to manage them differently. Now you can make the informed choice not to go on-line until that letter is written, or see the chance to chat with your colleague as the reward you give yourself for having made that call. It takes a bit more conscious effort on your part, but when you recognise your distracters for what they are, and how they get in the way, you are taking the power back from them and taking charge of your day again, rather than being controlled by them. How good will that feel?

2 Review your To-Do list. Do you make a list of what you need to do, and then find yourself adding to it rather than taking items off it? If so, it’s time to review your list-making practices. Review your current list, and dump anything on it older than a week – if you’ve not made headway on it by now, it really isn’t a true priority. Now, pick just three things that do need to get done today, select the easiest of these and make this your number one priority. Getting this item out of the way will give you a boost and provide momentum for you in tackling the next thing you have to do. It will also show you that you can get things done and that is an important unconscious message to carry with you.

Don’t add anything more to your To-Do list until you’ve removed something from it. That way, you keep it to a manageable size and your belief that you can get through it successfully increases.

3 Break tasks down into chunks. If you find that the task that you have to do still feels too overwhelming, look at how you can break it down into more manageable pieces, and tackle these in turn. Trying to write a presentation? Break it down into an introduction, then four or five key points from the body of the piece and then a summary of what you’ve said to end with. Struggling with the housework? See yourself sorting out one room at a time rather than the whole house and it will start to feel much more achievable.

And once you’ve completed each part of the task or item on your list, allow yourself a reward to acknowledge a job well done. You know that you’ll have earned it, so it will feel all the more sweet. 
]]><![CDATA[Are you where you want to be?]]>Wed, 16 Jun 2010 00:01:34 -0800http://www.mirrorcoaching.co.uk/1/post/2010/06/are-you-where-you-want-to-be.htmlAre you where you want to be? Doing what you want to do? How many of us have ever thought that there was more that we could do … if only we had the time … or the money … or the connections?

But are these genuine reasons or … convenient excuses? I’m not saying that time, money or connections wouldn’t make things easier sometimes, but it is possible to make changes that take you towards your ideal even without these … if you have the desire and the support to help guide you on your way.

Many of us have the desire, but through no fault of our own, we fall short on the support. If that sounds like you and your situation, then maybe a personal life coach could the answer.
 
When you work with a life coach, you work with someone who will help you clarify what it is you want from your life, where your priorities actually lie, identify the steps that will start you on your journey towards your goals, and cheer you on as you work to achieve your dreams.
 
One of the first steps you will take when you work with a coach is to look at which areas of your life – for example, your family, career, fun, finances, or relationships – you are satisfied with … and which areas you feel maybe fall short of where you want them to be. This exercise can come as quite a surprise for some people, but it is an essential first step to direct your thinking about what important things in your life you truly want to change.

Next, your coach will ask you questions designed to encourage you to identify your goal priorities and those important first realistic steps that you can start taking towards your newly identified goals … and then ask you to commit to act on these steps - with dates by which you will have taken this action.
 
As you achieve these goals, your coach will be on hand to applaud your hard work and then work with you to help you realise your true, full potential.
]]><![CDATA[Mirror, mirror, on the wall ...]]>Sat, 29 May 2010 15:59:55 -0800http://www.mirrorcoaching.co.uk/1/post/2010/05/mirror-mirror-on-the-wall.htmlWe've all done it. Looked deep into the mirror one morning and asked ourselves "What am I doing here? I'm sure there is more that I could be doing that would give me more satisfaction". It's not necessarily that we're not doing okay, but it's just that we have that realisation that the fit isn't quite right.

But how can you shift out of whatever rut you find yourself in? Certainly, there are ways that you can do it on your own, but I know from hard experience that this often takes time and that the prospect of fighting against the constantly on-coming tide of so many competing demands that are placed in our way can be exhausting. 

That is where a coach can be such a valuable addition to your strategy to make a change. 
With a coach who can help you focus your thinking on where your strengths lie and support you as you work towards your goals, your future can happen sooner and with much less frustration at wrong turnings taken. 

So how do you start that focussing process?

One question I often ask my clients to consider early on in our work together is this: What accomplishments must, in your opinion, occur during your life time so that you will consider your life to have been satisfying and well-lived – a life of few or no regrets? 

It's a question that isn't necessarily about career choices or finances - it doesn't have to be. But what it does achieve is that it gets the cogs turning, bringing the person's thoughts around to what might be missing in their lives. and from this, numerous new horizons begin to present themselves. So go on then ... take a few minutes now and give yourself time to consider just that question ... and once you've come up with some answers, why not share them with me here, by posting a comment outlining your new insights below. 

Putting those thoughts down in this way can be one of the first important steps to seeing clearly that person looking back at you each morning ... and I look forward to meeting them.
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