Creating a strong vision for what it is we aspire to when we set goals for the future is an important part of goal-setting. A favourite approach of mine is the “Future Movie”, an idea I learned many moons ago within my therapy practice when I attended a workshop with Dr Ricky Greenwald, a child trauma expert and EMDR practitioner from New York. It was presented as a therapeutic technique and I used it often when I worked with children and families with problems. Although I’ve altered it a little over time to suit my coaching clientele, the basic elements remain, and I want to share the technique with you here.
Let your imagination flow and "project" the image that comes to you in response to the suggestion below onto the wall in front of you. Here's your starting point: Ten years from today, I arrive home after a long day, just wanting to sit and unwind for a bit, so I grab something to eat and settle down to watch a movie. I turn to the TV listings and see that “The (Your Name) Story” is just about to start. I think to myself, “Hey, I knew them 10 years ago … I wonder how their story has developed since then?” The movie starts and I become totally absorbed in this movie, feeling all the ups and downs and cheering the hero (YOU!) on as you soar to achieve all that you aspire to. As the credits roll, I think to myself “Wow, they really did it … they told me all those years ago that this is what they wanted, and now there it is … what an inspiring movie!”
Now ... describe what you are seeing on the “screen” as the credits are rolling on this movie, that final image, in as much detail as you can. Write it down, tapping into the brightness and colour, what you feel inside, and who else is there with you, describing in detail what this scene means to you as it relates to your success, what your thoughts are as you experience this positive outcome, and, most especially, what you are saying to yourself at that point in time.
Your need to emotionally connect with this vision and flesh out what it is that your aspirations and goal-setting can ultimately achieve. When you are able to do this, it is much easier for you to identify the interim goals that you need to set and work towards that will take you closer to your ultimate vision of your future. Without this clear vision, I find that some people do struggle to identify those critical steps that they need to take within their goal-setting practice to move forward with purpose and energy.
A goal without a thought-through end-result is little more than a vague “wouldn’t it be nice if …” wish-list, so this technique helps you focus and be clear about what your goals are and why they are important to you. This is an example of the power of story-telling in coaching; only this time, you put yourself smack bang in the starring role!
When you think about confidence, what does it mean to you? It is an attitude, a belief, a sense of assuredness that permeates your being and allows you to feel that you can achieve anything. A confident you can nail that presentation, make that sale, ask for that raise. But an un-confident you... now, that is a very different story, is it not? Self-doubt, uncertainty, anxiety; an inability to function that often makes little sense to you because you know you have the ability, but the self-belief is just not there when you need it.
There are many things that we can learn to try to address our lack of confidence. Psychologists, psychotherapists and coaches can help with psycho-educational training that looks at assertiveness, stress management courses, social skills training, etc. All of these can make a positive difference to how you perceive a situation and your response to it, but I would like to introduce another, simple idea, one that approaches the problem at a physical level. I would like you to consider your body shape as it reflects your inner state -- and then recognise how you can start to overcome problems with confidence by actively, physically, making the changes I will introduce to you in this article.
Lack of confidence has a "shape"
When we are NOT confident, we all know that it shows. The people around us can tell. For example, the un-confident me will tend to close in on myself: my shoulders droop; my head drops; my eye contact becomes poor. I might rub my hands, or chew my lip, or yawn even though I am not tired. All of this occurs unconsciously in response to some perceived threatening situation. This is not necessarily threatening in the sense that my physical well-being is at risk, but threatening to my self-esteem and my sense of competence as a person.
So, we can begin to address this by looking at how adjusting the frame of the body can lead us to positive change in how we feel in certain situations, and we can learn to use body posture as a priming cue for confidence. Body posture creates the scaffolding upon which we can hang positive imagery to help shift our perceptions of ourselves -- if we can learn to project our confident shape onto our body framework, we can use this to start altering our response to challenges to our confidence. By paying attention to and altering our body posture in line with our desired functioning, and building onto this scaffold, we can cue associated desired, confident responses.
But where do we find "our confident shape"?
The first place to look is in our own experience. Think back to a time when you did feel confident. Spend a minute or two recalling that experience; what it felt like and, importantly, how you held yourself at the time. Notice how your shoulders were set strongly, your head up. Feels good, right? This is the core of the confident image that I want you to project onto the body scaffold I described above.
If your life experience has not been of confidence previously, then take some time to think about someone that you admire whom you consider to be supremely and positively confident. They can be a real person or someone from fiction; it does not matter. But notice what it is about their physical presentation that causes you to perceive them as confident. Notice how they hold themselves, the way they meet the gaze of the person they are speaking to, or their voice tone when they speak. Imagine this confident posture projected onto your own frame and pay attention to where in your body you first notice the spark of that feeling as it takes hold.
Breathe in deeply and focus on that part of your body where you feel that confidence once again. With each deep breathe in, allow yourself to experience that confidence growing. Physically allow your body to mirror the posture of that confident you of old or that admired role model. Feel the shape of confidence as it takes hold of your frame and inhabit it.
Now realise what you have just achieved
With a few simple deep breaths and the application of a memory from another time or an impression of another's poise to your current body posture, you have boosted your own confidence. It may only be by a matter of degrees this first time, but imagine how, by practicing this technique regularly, you can enhance this experience and learn to apply it readily at those times in your day-to-day life where previously you have felt your confidence escape you.
Learn to do this and you will soon see how your confidence can take on this new and exciting positive shape.
Are you where you want to be? Doing what you want to do? How many of us have ever thought that there was more that we could do … if only we had the time … or the money … or the connections?
But are these genuine reasons or … convenient excuses? I’m not saying that time, money or connections wouldn’t make things easier sometimes, but it is possible to make changes that take you towards your ideal even without these … if you have the desire and the support to help guide you on your way.
Many of us have the desire, but through no fault of our own, we fall short on the support. If that sounds like you and your situation, then maybe a personal life coach could the answer.
When you work with a life coach, you work with someone who will help you clarify what it is you want from your life, where your priorities actually lie, identify the steps that will start you on your journey towards your goals, and cheer you on as you work to achieve your dreams.
One of the first steps you will take when you work with a coach is to look at which areas of your life – for example, your family, career, fun, finances, or relationships – you are satisfied with … and which areas you feel maybe fall short of where you want them to be. This exercise can come as quite a surprise for some people, but it is an essential first step to direct your thinking about what important things in your life you truly want to change.
Next, your coach will ask you questions designed to encourage you to identify your goal priorities and those important first realistic steps that you can start taking towards your newly identified goals … and then ask you to commit to act on these steps - with dates by which you will have taken this action.
As you achieve these goals, your coach will be on hand to applaud your hard work and then work with you to help you realise your true, full potential.
We've all done it. Looked deep into the mirror one morning and asked ourselves "What am I doing here? I'm sure there is more that I could be doing that would give me more satisfaction". It's not necessarily that we're not doing okay, but it's just that we have that realisation that the fit isn't quite right.
But how can you shift out of whatever rut you find yourself in? Certainly, there are ways that you can do it on your own, but I know from hard experience that this often takes time and that the prospect of fighting against the constantly on-coming tide of so many competing demands that are placed in our way can be exhausting.
That is where a coach can be such a valuable addition to your strategy to make a change. With a coach who can help you focus your thinking on where your strengths lie and support you as you work towards your goals, your future can happen sooner and with much less frustration at wrong turnings taken.
So how do you start that focussing process?
One question I often ask my clients to consider early on in our work together is this: What accomplishments must, in your opinion, occur during your life time so that you will consider your life to have been satisfying and well-lived – a life of few or no regrets? It's a question that isn't necessarily about career choices or finances - it doesn't have to be. But what it does achieve is that it gets the cogs turning, bringing the person's thoughts around to what might be missing in their lives. and from this, numerous new horizons begin to present themselves. So go on then ... take a few minutes now and give yourself time to consider just that question ... and once you've come up with some answers, why not share them with me here, by posting a comment outlining your new insights below.
Putting those thoughts down in this way can be one of the first important steps to seeing clearly that person looking back at you each morning ... and I look forward to meeting them.
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